Yikes! I definitely hit a few nerves with my Nutmeg post. I did receive a few comments on the blog post itself, but I also got some personal emails and voicemails and took part in some very interesting conversations about my dear friend and her current situation.
All of it is quite amusing to me. And I think I can boil it down to one phrase I discovered in a recent phone conversation: We all judge others in order to justify our own actions to ourselves. I think we all second-guess the decisions we make – especially as parents. And when we hear someone doing something differently – we jump to defend ourselves. But I don’t really think it’s always that we are so against what someone else is doing but we are justifying to ourselves the decisions we’ve made for our own lives. So here are some of my follow-up thoughts…I have a lot so look for Parts 3, 4, 5, etc. in the future.
Someone said to me…”Go Nutmeg! Forget the housecleaner, I’d give anything to have extra money for a chef!!”
An interesting point was made about the quality of time spent with your children. One SAHM told me that she’d LOVE Nutmeg’s situation. She feels that her five days home with her kids are too filled with errands, appointments, housecleaning, chores, laundry, etc. And she certainly tries to balance it all. But she can’t always be focused on her kids and can’t always use nap time and after bed time for those items and heck, she also wants to spend some time with her husband. And, sure, kids need to entertain themselves, blah, blah, blah… Her point was that she would be shocked to find a SAHM that truly does productive, developmentally focused activities with their kids all day, every day. And if they do, they are most likely taking time away from a spouse to get those things done another time. So if she could have two days “off” knowing her kids were in a great environment – developmentally and socially – while she either tackled the to-do list or spent some time to recharge – WHY NOT? If this allows that mom to be totally “on” the other three days, isn’t that all that matters? One girl’s opinion.
I’m guilty of this now. It was one of the things I never thought I’d do…#13. I often use my off day to grocery shop, do laundry, run errands, etc. so that my weekend isn’t full of carting my kids around or saying “Not right now, mommy has to….” Can all moms do this? Nope. Should all moms? Nope. Am I judged for it? Yep. Does it work for me? YEP!
Another mom I talked to doesn’t have the financial means to do what Nutmeg is doing. However, she sees absolutely nothing wrong with it…might even be a bit jealous. She sees it no different than a mom having kids in school and not working outside of the house during those years. Are those moms slacking after putting their kids on the bus for the day? I doubt it.
The final thoughts I have for today are around schedule, happiness and SEX. (Knew that would catch your eye.) Some of you wanted to know how those things have been affected in Nutmeg’s world. Here’s her typical day now:
Get up with kids, get everyone fed and dressed
NO RUSHING
Drop kids off by 9.30ish
Come home, clean up from breakfast, clean up any food on the floors
NO RUSHING
Drop kids off by 9.30ish
Come home, clean up from breakfast, clean up any food on the floors
Run/empty dishwasher
Do a few loads of laundry
Clean up any toys from morning
Mess with videos/photos on her mac
Maybe run to the grocery store, or any other errands that have to be run (KID FREE!)
Eat lunch
Head to the gym
Come home and shower
Pick up girls at 4:00
Mess with videos/photos on her mac
Maybe run to the grocery store, or any other errands that have to be run (KID FREE!)
Eat lunch
Head to the gym
Come home and shower
Pick up girls at 4:00
Her husband supports whatever she does (happy wife = happy life), but now admits that since she’s been home, his life has gotten much easier and prefers that she stays home for now. And the SEX? Yep…Better. Than. Ever.
Go Nutmeg! (BYW – my college buddies call me that!) Everyone needs to find the “right” balence that works for them! Me – I would love to work 4 days a week, jsut to get all the chores done. Today was a holiday for me. I still took the kids to daycare – did 6 loads of landry, cleaned up a bit, did my school work, and went to the grocery store. Still did not get everything done I needed to!!!!!!
PS, Nutmeg just finished backing up 3 years of photos!
Clearly, I’m blessed being able to live a bit of a charmed (life at the moment.) Who knows if our situation will always be so good, so, I say, enjoy while you can!
Listen ladies, it never ends. I’m an empty nester, no husband, and I work 32 hours a week. My co-worker cannot fanthom what I do on my day off. I almost feel guilty telling her I read, play on computer etc. and most important, enjoy staying at home. I usually do some errands, but not always. We humans are in awe of the diverse world we live in, but can’t understand why others don’t live just like us!
We all have different personalities and needs, as well as different circumstances (which tend to change over time). Everyone does the best they can to make it work for their family. Women are amazing and diverse. I don’t pay attention to the ‘labels’ we assign to women: SAHM, WAHM, working, single, etc. I’m me and you’re you, and I’m glad we’re all giving it our best. Nutmeg has the right idea, and we’d probably all agree to the principle if not the tactic: do what works best for your family.
I love this series and the conversation that it has generated. Whether to work or stay home is a decision I evaluate and re-evaluate frequently. Working seems to be the right decision for me and my family for now so I don’t feel guilty about it. It’s great that so many women have the ability to choose what’s right for them. Thanks for checking my blog and commenting. I’ll certainly keep following yours.
Nutmeg’s got it going on!!! 🙂
Kara