Top 10 Things I Will Miss Without Baby #4

  1. Feeling that first kick when you are pregnant.  Because the toddler tantrum kicks…wow!
  2. How everyone is so nice to the pregnant lady or the lady with the newborn…holds the door, stops the car to allow you walk in front of it, stops you on neighborhood walks to see the baby, etc.  People have let a door slam on me when I’m obviously trying to corral two toddlers and a stroller through it…uh, thanks.
  3. The excitement and anxiety you get at the very same time when you realize “Holy Crap…today I’m bringing a person into the world!”
  4. The birth – Ok so not the whole thing.  But that moment when you find out the sex.  What?  People find out ahead of time?  Not us.  That moment in the delivery room was always so exciting to me.
  5. Those first bonding moments and snuggles with something so…fresh.  So brand new those first few weeks.  So tiny in those itty-bitty NB size clothes.
  6. Those quiet moments early on in the middle of the night in the rocker in the baby’s room.  Exhausted, yet satisfied.
  7. The fact that no one comes up to you or looks your way and frowns when you are holding a newborn.  (But they will when it’s a toddler!!)
  8. Maternity leave naps – Who am I kidding?  I think I took ONE nap with the last leave.  They say “sleep when the baby sleeps”…who does that?  Anyone???  I did a handful of times with my first, but never after that.
  9. That baby smell…because, sadly, my boy…well, smells like a boy now.
  10. Sharing all of this with my hubby again…the man of my dreams.

Grieving and its stages are very serious.  I am not attempting to mock this at all.  I am, however, very aware that some decisions we make cause us to go through similar stages.  Big decisions.  I feel that through the process of deciding on a 4th, I’ve felt some of those stages:

Anger: “Why did it take us so long to have Stella?”  “Why are kids so exhausting?”  “And expensive?”

Bargaining: ”If only we’d tried to have kids even sooner or seen the fertility specialist sooner…”

Guilt: “There are so many people trying desperately to have ONE baby and here we are worrying over #4?  And we’re leaning towards a NO?”

Depression: “So this is really it? Henry will never be a big brother?”

And I’ve come to Acceptance.  A very peaceful acceptance. 

I have no regrets.  The decision was made together, the procedure is over. But I will mourn the little things.  The things above.  The same way I mourn the fact that Andy and I will never have our first kiss again. 

So now it’s time to celebrate HUGE milestones…NO MORE FORMULA OR BOTTLES!!!  We crossed that milestone this past weekend.  YIPPEE!  And we are celebrating the fact that this little guy…no matter how big he gets…will always be the baby of the family. 


Top Ten {Tuesday}

11 Responses to Top 10 Things I Will Miss Without Baby #4

  1. I don’t think it matters whether it’s 1 or 10… it’s still a decision you have to make & deal with. And no more bottles is certainly something to celebrate. 😉

  2. I would definitely add the sweetness of older siblings reacting to your belly bump and the look on their face the first time they meet the newest love of their life. I have never felt more loved and full of love than I do when my little children put their hands and ears to my belly.

  3. That feeling of peace is so nice, isn’t it? I can remember wondering if I would ever feel happy with not having more babies. Of course, I knew in my head that I would have to stop eventually. My brain, wallet, body just couldn’t keep having babies forever. But, I was afraid my heart would never get the message. And then one day I had a feeling of peace. And it was so welcome! I am happily looking forward to leaving the baby stages behind and moving on to big kid stuff.

  4. @Heather – You are so right…the number didn’t really matter…it was all about the decision making.
    @Jess – I will definitely miss not seeing the older sibs with a newborn again. THat is just precious.
    @Jessica – You said it…head knew way before the heart!

Leave a reply

CommentLuv badge