How NOT to Get Anything (But More Attention) Out of Mass

Blog Challenge Day 24: Something You’ve Learned

HAPPY EASTER!  I’ve learned not to expect much out of church now-a-days.  And by “now-a-days” I mean attending with three children aged 3 and under.

How NOT to Get Anything (But More Attention) Out of Mass:

  1. Arrive right on time for Easter Sunday mass, but be lucky enough to find just enough room in a pew for your family.
  2. Make sure “just enough room” means not enough for the pumpkin seat carrying the sleeping infant.  So, be sure to wake him in order to leave the car seat at the back of the church so that the entire family can sit together in the pew.
  3. Take turns holding and bouncing almost 8-month old since he is not happily asleep in the carrier.
  4. Also have 2 other children that want to constantly be held.  However, there are only 2 adults present and 3 children. One child is always angry that she’s not being held and cannot see anything.
  5. Have 3 year old have to go to the potty after the homily.
  6. Have 2 year old throw fit when she realizes daddy and 3 year old have left…2 year old now saying repeatedly, “I poop too!!” just loud enough to annoy others because “poop” means everything…pee, poop, potty, etc.
  7. Say, “Be good or the Easter Bunny might not come” about 100 times.  Then pray for forgiveness for using such a materialistic/non-holy threat that you can’t carry through anyway.
  8. Make sure “just enough room” in the pew is truly just enough room for the 2 adults to sit and about 4 inches between them to contain 2 girls, their “purses” full of books and small figurines, a mini diaper bag and 5 coats.
  9. Make sure “small figurines” now look like a battle field as they are strewn about all over the 4 inches of space.
  10. Make sure “small figurines” sometimes get fought over and sometimes fly under the pew in front of you or beside you.  Send 2 year old to retrieve while sliding across floor on her belly.
  11. Make sure “small figurines” are Toy Story 3 related.  This way your 3 year old can repeatedly say “I lost my Woody!” or “Give me my Woody!” throughout the hour.
  12. While carrying 2 year old back from Communion be sure she notices that although it seemed like you were headed to the door, you are now returning to your pew…at which she should start screaming, “NO!  Go bye-bye!” over and over again.

At that point, I was screaming it on the inside as well…who can blame her??

Top Ten {Tuesday}

One Response to How NOT to Get Anything (But More Attention) Out of Mass

  1. Wow! You should never do publicity for churches. Just kidding. It sounds like a zoo. We planned to get to church early but got there “on time” which means “way too late for a family of 6 to fit anywhere together.” We did find a spot but it was the first 4 seats off the center aisle…in the first row. The pastor was 6 feet from us. Surprisingly, it turned out to be a good time.

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